Tag: leanne sype

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Letting go of fear and saying, “I am a Writer”

By Leanne Sype 

There’s something I haven’t told you because I’ve been fearful. I thought I was being humble. But this past weekend I attended the 2015 Faith and Culture Writer’s Conference, which turned into two-day therapy-retreat where I cried a lot and got really depressed before I became inspired. I was hindered to inspiration because I was blocked by truth.

I sat in a guided writing experience with Micah J. Murray,  during the new, “Breathing Space: A Mini Retreat” that was added to the conference this year. Micah called us out our snippy inner-gremlins and fought against them by writing a fan letter to ourselves. I wasn’t going to read mine out loud because my gremlins told me that everyone else’s letter was way better, that I would be self-centered if I volunteered, and that everyone would think mine was stupid. I punched my gremlins in the face by volunteering to read mine.

I read my letter and I was okay; people liked it.  Micah asked me to read it again. The second time I read it, I wasn’t okay. I began to cry and could barely get through the dang thing without snotting all over it. I got mad(ish) at Micah, “Why did you make me read this again? Look at what you made me do!”  He had called me to a place of public vulnerability–then asked if the group could pray for me. He asked the sweet girl next to me, Michelle, to lay a hand on me and pray. And pray she did, so beautifully and tearfully. This was a powerful moment that I didn’t understand in the moment.

In this same class, a gentleman, Sovann Penn (@SovannPenn), read his letter. He said to himself, “You have been mistaking fear for humility far too long… you have friends who are awesome and believe in you.” This stuck with me the rest of the day the same way a rock gets stuck inside your shoe.

That night in the main session, author Emily Freeman said, “I want to write like a hostess. A hostess doesn’t leave her guests to go call all the people who RSVP’ed “no” to find out why the didn’t come and why they don’t like her. That’s crazy. I want to write like a hostess, not a crazy person.” This put another rock in my shoe, and I went home feeling depressed, annoyed, and uncertain if I would be back the next day. I snuggled up to my husband and blubbered all over him with no words to express what was wrong with me.

I woke up the next morning with the very clear voice of the Holy Spirit:

“You’ve been mistaking fear for humility; you’re missing out on the full experience of the gift you’ve been given and the ministry in which you have been invited to participate. You are scared of people rejecting you, mocking you, and being angry with you, yet in all the things I’ve given you to write never once have you experienced what you fear. Not even in your most public confessions of sin. You are a lovely hostess with many guests I’ve brought to you because they can hear you; your translation from the Kingdom to the guests is good! But you leave them so you can wait by the phone for the “no” RSVP’s to call. They aren’t calling… and you’re missing the party! You have faithful friends, family, and even strangers who believe in you, but most importantly I believe in you. I have work for you if you’re willing; the fruit will be good and beautiful if you will trust Me.”

Here’s what I want to tell you:

I’ve spent the last 14 years pouring into and editing the stories of others, defining myself as an editor and merely dabbling in my craft as a “wet-noodle” writer. I confess that while I adore, honor, and value other people’s stories, I’ve been using editing as a way to avoid the true work God has for me–writing. I have been fearful of stepping into the public arena of vulnerability, giving power to voices of the gremlins and cloaking my fear in humility so as to justify my place behind the scenes (which, incidentally, is where an editor works. How convenient.)

Yes, some of my recent writings have been more confessional and vulnerable, evidence of God’s effort in coaxing me out into the arena, but I can tell you they were published in trembling obedience and reluctant submission.

Writing  I surrender with humble declaration that I am writer. I write creative non-fiction about real-life, my story, and God’s unwavering persistence to be the anchor for both. I translate through written words what I hear, see, and feel from God so I can better understand the purpose he has for me, how I can live that purpose for His glory, and how I can invite others to discover the same for their lives. My prayer always is that through my experiences, you find yourself encouraged, inspired, and invited into a Kingdom that is safe and welcoming, and promises purposeful life no matter how broken you are. You are loved unconditionally. And so am I.

God gave me my first assignment in January– a children’s book called The Hungry Garden. It’s an alphabet book the Hungry Gardenthat explores the ordinary to extraordinary food that gardens grow and why these foods are so exciting. It comes with a 26-recipe “snack book” that parents and children can use in their kitchen to be creative with food. I have completed the first draft of the main manuscript, and I am currently developing and testing the recipes.

I never wanted to write a book, let alone a children’s book . . . let alone a children’s book about food.  I didn’t feel qualified. But as I have been following His lead on this project, it’s becoming more clear that as a recovering anorexic patient, I understand the fear of food intimately. I know what it feels like to see food in front of me that looks scary, smells weird, and would certainly be the worst thing ever if I ate it. As a child of God living with an eating disorder, I can relate to children in a way others cannot. Only God can orchestrate such a unique connection.

I look forward to sharing with you the nutty things that have happened since beginning this process, along with the mysteries and surprises I encounter as I journey forward. I promise not to hold back anymore! I am joining the party and will step into the arena as my name is called.

And those grumpy gremlins? Well, they aren’t invited.

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Leanne Sype was a speaker at the 2015 Faith & Culture Writers Conference. She IS a also a  writer, whose work can be found at Leanne Sype website

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God doesn’t need another book – And other lessons learned

Leeanne_Sype_500  By Leanne Sype

If I had a dollar for every time someone asked me, “So when are you going to write a book?” I would be a kazillionaire.

My response is: “As soon as God gives me a book to write.”  Usually my remark elicits a reply of, “Oh” or simply a blank stare. Somehow the qualification for being a writer has come to mean either one has written or is writing a book and/or is also published or seeking to be published. Well, if this is the case then I guess I am not a writer because not only haven’t I written a book, but I don’t want to.

I’ve spent the last 14 years editing other people’s written works, yet I have been writing all my life. I have thousands of pages sitting in my office that I’ve written; essays, poems, journals, letters, etc.  I have a few articles and newsletters that are published, but probably not in anything you’ve ever seen. And I have a blog. I’ve been writing on my blog since 2009; sometimes I post regularly and sometimes I don’t.

I am essentially unknown in the writing industry. Does this mean I am not a writer? Of course not! Does this mean I am not a “real” writer?  Of course not!

Look, I went through the (10-year) internal battle of  “Am I a real writer even though no one knows who I am and may never know who I am because there are…

…a million people who write way better than me,
…who have published a book,
…who have at least 35,000 followers,
…who blog five times a week,
…who guest blog three times a week,
…who speak at conferences,
…and who are now working on their second book?

Oh my gosh, I need to write a book, something really good so I can be the “real” writer I know I am supposed to be. ”

This was stressful for me because I didn’t want to write a book, and I am not a believer in writing or doing anything merely to fit in with cultural expectations. Yet, I knew I was a writer. Something wasn’t lining up.

Then I heard angels sing a harmonious “Ahhh” when Wm. Paul Young  spoke at the 2013 Faith & Culture Writers Conference. He said:

“God doesn’t need another book. Or a movie. Or a song. It’s you He loves . . . He is a God who loves you with relentless affection, who does not need you to write a book . . . You don’t need it for identity if you know who you are. You don’t need it for security if you know who’s your provision. You don’t need it for worth if you understand how you’re loved.”

Young’s words changed my life. I became comfortable, in that very moment, with who I am as a writer. I am a daughter of God who writes out of pure love for her Father. (And I am the weirdo writer who doesn’t want to write a book. So what?)

Culture gives us mixed messages:

  • You are writer, own it—but you are not really legitimate until you are published and noticed by zillions of people.
  • Be a headline, shoot for the public by-line—but write something worth reading and be “authentic.”
  • Build your followers, grow your audience—but create real and meaningful relationships.
  • Find your voice and use it proudly—but don’t add to the noise because no one will pay attention to you.

Culture was driving me to build my own kingdom and it wasn’t lining up with my heart—my faith.  

I am not interested in building my own kingdom; I am interested in inviting people into God’s kingdom.  God gives us a different message: You are mine alone and I love you. All I want is a relationship with you.

From this perspective, God is my one and only—He is my audience, he is my publisher, he’s my editor. When I write for God, the pressure is off to adhere to worldly formulas and expectations for success. I am better able to find my voice and confidently use it to express my honest thoughts. I am a better writer when I write for God because I’m writing in response to and for the purpose of a deeper relationship with Christ. When I write to please God rather than to please culture, I give the Spirit within me permission to speak freely and the ability to connect with a reader better than I could have in trying to manufacture something I think a reader may want to hear.

Writing for God means this: before I write anything I pray, “Lord, I just want people to know you the way I know you. Instruct me in the way I should go.” I don’t worry about stats, I don’t worry about comments, I don’t worry about notoriety. I trust my work will land where He needs it to land and it will connect with whomever it needs to connect. God has been faithful in blessing me with a humble little audience and delightful conversations with people all over the world.  Somehow in writing to connect with God, I also connect with other people. Everything lines up beautifully when God is in control, and I don’t have to work so hard.

God created me to be a writer and it’s through writing I grow closer in relationship with him. That’s all that matters. He does the rest. I confess God has recently given me a book to write.  Why would a God who doesn’t need another book ask me to write a book? Have I mentioned I don’t want to write a book??

The book itself isn’t for God. It’s for me. Somewhere in the process of writing this thing, I’ll grow even closer to Him. That’s what He needs. I still don’t want to write a book, but I do want to be obedient. Now when people ask, “When are you going to write a book?” I’m working on it. But it doesn’t mean I will necessarily publish as culture would expect. After all, God has only asked me to write the book.

With this goal in mind, I am looking forward to Faith and Culture Writers Conference 2015 as a daughter of God seeking to be inspired on how to be better in her craft, for the purpose of lovely and pure obedience to a Father who doesn’t need another book but only a deeper relationship with me.

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Leanne Sype is an editor, writer, mom, daughter, and student of God; she’s a lover of coffee, writing, and orange pens. True to her word-nerdy, book-wormish nature, she adores editing and has been doing it for the last 14 years. This is her third year speaking at the Faith & Culture Writers Conference. Portland is her favorite place in all the land, but she’s living and learning life in the suburbs, writing everything down as she goes, and encouraging others to do the same. She attends a local church and lifts her best worship to the One who guides her life and my pen.  Follow her on Twitter or at her blog.